What Would Happen If Jesus Were Born In the U.S. Today?

From a friend. More disturbing than funny....

Infant Discovered In Barn, Child Protective Services Launch Probe

Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

12/14/06 --"Information Clearing House" - Bethlehem, Judea -
Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a
family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service
personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant
child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed
in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of
Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by
several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to
forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.

At one point Joseph became confrontational and delusional claiming the
child was "God's child". An officer, who used a Tazer device on
Joseph, stated,"The man became uncooperative. We feared for his own
safety and that of the child so we used a non-lethal weapon and
restrained him in handcuffs. This was the same man I detained earlier
for attempting to take a donkey on a public highway. At that time he
incredibly claimed a 'common right to his conveyance of choice on a
public highway' explaining that his donkey only used the grassy
portion and was nointerference to the faster vehicles.

He showed no identification, said he had no job and claimed to not
have a social security number-laughing and uttering some non-sense
that it was the 'mark of the beast'. He was cooperative at that time
so I let him go with a highway warning and a charge of vagrancy. It's
a trend with these types of people: We find that they start in minor
trouble like traffic incidents and graduate to more acts of civil
disobedience. Eventually they cross-over and break one of the many
many laws of and for government. Still, I can't understand why he
became uncooperative to the point that we had to use non-lethal
force-after all we're just doing the job of the 'consent of the
governed'. Don't these people understand that they must submit to
authority that is in their best interests?"

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who incredibly
allege to be "wise men" from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland
Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in
the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no
passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal
substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by
God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own
country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.
An officer at the scene said the suspicious enclosures for the
chemical substances might constitute "drug paraphernalia" . The agent
for Homeland Security stated that he contacted the IRS under the
suspicion that this gold might be linked to a foreign trust method of
"under-reporting income".

An agent commented: "The presence of paraphernalia, chemical
substances, gold, and foreign people without passports is certainly
suspicious. Terrorists are known to fund terrorism activities through
illegal drug trading. Or these could be part of an illegal-alien
smuggling ring from Mexico. In either case the claim that these three
are Kings is unsubstantiated as they are not diplomats registered with
the Department of State."

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager
of Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for
violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in
the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning
violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially- zoned
district. The owner of the barn claimed he provided the lodging free
hence the guests did not need to register.

He was noted to exclaim, "For heaven's sake, its Jesus! Can't we
forego government intrusion into our lives for the Christ-child
celebration? " Authorities were not amused and demanded his
identification and his Inn lodging and restaurant board-of-health
certification.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect
for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when
Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service
spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother
definitely underage. This is suspicious behavior worthy of
investigation. " When asked who these people were and where they were
from, the spokesman replied: "Both parents refuse to provide
identification. Both claim no social security number and provided no
marriage license.

The father claims a license from heaven as a common-law right. They
have no birth certificate for the baby Jesus. In this sense they are
deemed uncooperative by us and are probably members of some
anti-government common-law movement group. I simply can't imagine why
parents would not want to register the birth and citizenship of a baby
such as Jesus!

In America everybody does this--it's for the welfare of the child. Why
would they not want to register that baby Jesus as a UNITED STATES
CITIZEN and hence leave his real citizenship in question? If they are
not hiding something, what do they have to fear?

I tried to reason with the father. I asked the father the question as
to why he never applied for baby Jesus' social security number
explaining that Jesus could have earning's credit's and receive
retirement benefits. The father uttered total non-sense about
'rendering unto Caesar', more religious 'mark-of-the- beast' dogma, and
retirement in God's kingdom.

Frankly I'm flabbergasted by these types of people. It's a trend we
wish to stop. They never volunteer and this we view as uncooperative
behavior. They never apply for social security numbers, they never
register the birth of their children, they refuse to register to vote
for our two parties, they don't show us identification when we ask
'for their papers" kindly, they refuse to send their children to
public education under a homeschool banner, they claim adherence to
God's law and not man's, they claim government harassment as the
reason they must be transients, and they protest filling-out
voluntary-complianc e government forms. Frankly, these types of
anti-government people are always uncooperative. We are checking with
officials in Nazareth to determine what the legal relationship is
between father, mother and baby."

Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a
census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when
they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their
departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of
molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape.

The local prosecutor had this to say: "I feel confident that this man
is either suffering from a psychological problem or is hiding his
uncooperative, anti-social and anti-government viewpoints under the
disguise of religious dogma. Everybody is entitled to a viewpoint but
the defining line is statutory criminal activity and possible
terrorist threats. We will weigh the evidence collected and then
decide the extent of the charges and whether to prosecute."

A spokesman for the court said this: "We always consider the welfare
of people first. If this case is brought to trial we will judge it on
the basis of social welfare for the child and criminal activity in
violation of law for government. If brought to trial they will be
allowed court-determined due process before a jury of their peers to
present factual evidence on their behalf. Rest assured, they will NOT
be permitted to express their view of the law to the jury-even though
they claim to operate under God's law and not man's. This could
'unduly influence' the jury.

They will be appointed an attorney free of charge as attorneys are
always for incompetents only. Rest assured that even though our
incarceration rate is the highest in the world, the People still claim
our courts and judges are the fairest in the world. We respect their
religious viewpoints however, they will be judged and prosecuted to
the full extent of our government statutory law and we will not allow
their religious viewpoints to interfere with our government statutory
law in the administration of our justice."

Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being
examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for
endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of
her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God.

The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have
the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs
adversely affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case
her child - we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified
drugs at the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with
the proper therapy regimen we can get her back on her feet."

A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was
going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the
child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others
frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the
sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will
pursue this matter to the end."

"In a world of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act" - George Orwell